A Slack Conversation with my Coworker

Coworker: fml lol
I had a dream that a guy came in to interview for the position I applied for and you and I ripped up his resume
at our desks so secretly
LOL
T: are you sure it was a dream and not a memory that you refuse to acknowledge?
Coworker: it was so realistic
I remember it really well
the texture and weight of the paper was really heavy and then he had nothing to give Jeremy and made a bad impression
T: we’re like not only are we not hiring for this position but you need to leave immediately
you won’t be needing your resume
give it to us
now
Coworker: this is not where you applied are you high
we do not accept solicitors
we have called the police I suggest you leave the premises
T: i saw you smoking pot outside
Coworker: there is a warrant out for your arrest
T: the cops are here
Coworker: they are at every exit in plain clothes
leave now
T: im a cop
get out now
im serious
they gave me a gun
Coworker: get out with your hands up
T: im not well trained
Coworker: i am really underpaid
T: you cant leave without giving us your resume
Coworker: and have zero motivation
please hand over your cv
T: and you also have to promise to never apply to a job here again
cops rules
Coworker: we’ll know
if you do
we’re on linkedin
T: CAUSE WE’RE COPS
Coworker: cops can be on linkedin
T: dont ask our supervisors
Coworker: what you think we dont have linkedin?
you think we dont need it?
T: thats prejudice
we do still need it
Coworker: i will be reporting this
we update it every day
T: we took a picture of your face
Coworker: its like a journal
T: so we’ll know if you come in here with a fake moustache
Coworker: or a tophat
T: ya
we see through your disguises
Coworker: we have cameras and retinal scans
T: we know your fingerprints
I got it from the door earlier
no you cant have a glass of water!
get out of here
Coworker: do not have a seat
these chairs are for cops only
T: that guy over there is not the CEO
Coworker: you think we dont need to sit?
T: hes a cop
hes head cop
Coworker: he is head cop of the city
he wants you dead or alive
i suggest you leave alive
T: or dead? cause we’ll kill ya
Coworker: I will I have a gun with bullets
T: im not gonna show you
but i have it
on my person
Coworker: its behind me
and it’s loaded
T: i’ll show it to you....when i use it...on you
Coworker: we have a sniper you cant see
but he can see you
T: see what im trying to say?
ya with an invisible red lazer
Coworker: leave your resume
T: only we can see it
its on your forehead
Coworker: and this will all be over soon
T: now its on your dick
back to your forehead
do you feel lucky?
how badly do you want this job?
Coworker: except there is no job
as i stated
before
T: the job posting is fake news
Coworker: also you are not qualified
it was a ruse
to lure you here
and you fell for it
T: haha
ur dumb
Coworker: this was a test and you failed
you will not be getting this job
T: ya to pass the test you need to light your resume on fire and back away from it slowly
Coworker: this job is about passing tests
not failing tests


Coworker: im so excited
this saturday
is the first saturday im not working in like MONTHS
I HAVE TWO DAYS OFF IN A ROW